Letting go of Expectations
I recently had a conversation with my mentor that left me reflecting deeply. He pointed out the expectations that existed in my family—expectations I hadn’t fully noticed before. It was unexpected and eye-opening.
The discussion began with me sharing how guilty I felt for saying no to something I had promised my dad. I genuinely couldn’t follow through—it just wasn’t possible for me. But when my mentor brought up the idea of expectations, something clicked. Suddenly, I saw the web of expectations that had always been there within my family.
These weren’t just the expectations my parents had for me and my sisters—to think, act, or behave a certain way. They were subtle, woven into the fabric of our lives. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticizing my parents or my upbringing. I had a wonderful childhood. But the truth is, those expectations were there—and they still are.
When I said no, I felt like a bad daughter.
A “good” daughter is supposed to act a certain way, align politically in a certain way, and behave in a certain way. Falling short of these unspoken standards left me feeling inadequate.
However, my realisation went beyond just my family’s expectations. My mentor opened my eyes to the broader reality of how expectations shape all our relationships. I began to see how often I placed expectations on others, like with my friends. For instance:
“I tried calling her so many times, but she hasn’t put in any effort to reach out to me. So why should I bother calling again?”
“I expected you to be different.”
Our love and care often come with strings attached—conditions. It’s rarely unconditional.
But what if we could let go of expectations altogether? What if we acted out of pure, unconditional love and kindness?
Imagine calling someone simply because you genuinely wanted to know how they were doing. Imagine doing something kind without expecting anything in return.
When you free yourself from expectations, disappointment fades. You’re no longer let down when things don’t go your way, but instead, you’re pleasantly surprised when kindness and love find their way to you.
Wouldn’t the world feel lighter? We’d approach people with fresh eyes every time we saw them, unburdened by past interactions or judgments. No more categories, no more preconceptions—just unconditional love, understanding, and a renewed sense of curiosity.
But expectations don’t just extend to others. What about the ones we impose on ourselves?
Oh, did I open another door?
Yes, we’re often our harshest critics. Expectations and judgment seem to go hand in hand, don’t they?
Think about how we set goals for ourselves every January—physical goals, career goals, personal goals. We create a list of what we must achieve, and then we judge ourselves relentlessly if we fall short.
But what if we didn’t? What if we let go of these rigid rules and allowed ourselves to be guided by inner wisdom instead? Life has a way of showing us the path when we quiet the noise of judgmental thinking. In that stillness, creativity has room to flourish, and we can navigate life with a sense of freedom and possibility.